Outside of academia, there wasn’t much else going on. No real social life to speak of, other than occasional chatting in class or at my job. I did have a lot of fun conversations with a woman who worked there with me. I also had a crush on her big time, and still kick myself when I remember that for not shooting my shot. Granted, with how my life was progressing I think my imploding self-confidence would’ve been visible beneath my veneer, but c’est la vie. Though in the off chance you come across this, Annalise: your taste in music still rocks. I doubt I ever would’ve come across the majesty that is Sex Machineguns if not for you letting me copy your library.

Though, as I write this I remember an event I should mention. It’s not really a significant event in my life, but it’s one of my favorite stories to tell. It’s also a story I absolutely cannot tell to people right as an icebreaker, as it’s how I lost my virginity.

One afternoon, when I got home from my job I realized something. I have a little disposable income. I’ve also got this little complex about my virginity that’s been nagging me. I can solve this problem. So I loaded up a long-gone website, browsed the listings, and picked the one that seemed straightforward enough.

Chyna was the name she chose to use. We chatted via phone, making sure the other was legit. She’d be ready in a few hours, and told me she’d call me back when she was in town. So, near about that time I got in my car, drove to a nearby parking lot and hung out. Three hours after she was supposed to call, the phone rang and I was on my way over to see Chyna in the flesh.

I can attest that she was very good at her job, and charged bargain rates. She was also a decent person in general; as I sat down, she had offered me a cigarette. When I was getting ready to leave, she reminded me to not forget my glasses. She had also suggest that I take them off before I had her sit on my face. Five star customer service—and ass, really. Though it was a bit strange driving to her place, and making eye contact with her aunt as she and I walked up the stairs.

So there I was, no longer a virgin. I was a man. I paid taxes, I mowed grass, I worked a job and I ate ass. What did this man do next? He went to Whataburger, since it was 4AM and nothing else was open except Waffle House and he wanted a burger. He got it, and a big cup of strawberry Fanta. Then he drove on home, sat down in his chair and fired up Devil May Cry 2 before proceeding to play the entirety of it over the next six to eight hours. Some people went out drinking to celebrate turning 21. They might spend hundreds of dollars and get a hangover. I spent 80 dollars on fine Chyna, 15 on food and jack shit on replaying a badass video game. Even now, I’m still proud. Not of losing my virginity, that turned out to be meaningless. I’m proud that I get to say the sentence “I lost my virginity to a fat assed prostitute, then I ate a big burger. Then I went home and played the entirety of Devil May Cry 2 before passing out. 21, baby.” Of course, the fact that I didn’t get pink eye, food poisoning, or any venereal afflictions from such an impulsive move is a big plus.

Also, while this is academic in subject, it really goes into general life knowledge. I took a course taught by Dr. Subrata Dasgupta called ‘Comptuational Thinking’ that was practically a philosophy course with the perspective we took. As I recall, it was an attempt to distill the method of thinking taught by studying mathematics, a method needed by computer science professionals and major reason why the subject of math is still taught to people who can literally write a program to figure equations out for them.

I still have a copy of the original textbook he gave us for the course. Since it was unfinished (he was the author) he didn’t charge us; I appreciated that gesture so much I went out later and bought the published edition. I can’t say whether or not the course accomplished its goal, but the perspective gleaned in there still sticks with me today, and Computer Science: A Very Short Introduction remains tied with IT: An Introduction for Today’s Digital World as my favorite textbooks in the field of information technology. Both are shown below, with the image link leading to their Amazon pages. That’s how much I approve of them both, that I’m willing to shill them to the two Russian web crawlers that periodically check this site. Thanks, Ivan and Bobrov. You guys are real ones. Позор вашему лидерству.