Not the song, though it’s still a charming piece of music (along with Portal 2’s ‘Want You Gone.’) Just acknowledging it’s been ages since I’ve written anything here, let alone the plans that I had to actually work on this site. The plans still exist, but lately it’s been treading water and looking to possible futures; my own little re-enactment of Waiting for Godot in essence—just not as funny.

It’s easy to feel like I’ve done nothing for months, but as I sit here thinking about what I’ve actually accomplished this year, it’s not a blank page. Up until June I was gainfully employed, and since I’ve managed to keep slinging out resumes (even achieving a few interviews.) Savings gave me a few months of grace, and July was actually pretty enjoyable—except for the heat. Oh, the fucking heat. Today, it was both chilly and breezy with a clear sky; I just about cried in joy. God, it was gorgeous. I wish I took a picture. I should take more pictures.

Anyway, accomplishments. I wrote the beginnings of a romance fanfic novella that’s actually a step above pure smut as a sort of one-two punch: scratching a pairing itch I’ve had and a trial run for experimenting with a more thoughtful, less sordid romance novella between original characters of mine I’ve been tossing around. Right now the story’s up on AO3 but I may host it here as well, once I orphan/prune some of the stories on my AO3 that I’d rather not be right here next to my online handle. I try to follow a rule where I only write and post things that I’m willing to admit I wrote, but to reuse and slightly modify a quote from a friend: ‘I don’t think my friends are ready for the horse smutology writings.’

I’ve also started a refresher of my IT knowledge; I’ve got this fantastic textbook from my undergrad days that I bought, then re-bought when I lost it because it’s so well-written. Plain, straightforward, not at all the ponderously dense tome its cover implies. It’s just the basics, the kind that probably haven’t changed much from the 2010s but it’s a good from-zero starting/restarting point. I’ve also got a copy of the latest CompTIA A+ study guide, which is not as fun to read. It’s hard because I know by heart about 40% of it, but considering the cost to even attempt the cert exam itself, I want to at the very least double that. The goal is to try and get on a path to a cybersecurity career, but since I’m so professionally out of practice/experience I’m aiming for helpdesk first.

There’s been other things I’ve done that aren’t worth blathering about by themselves: a few more poems that I’ll eventually edit and publish here, the first inklings of that text-based RPG/mission running game I’ve wanted to make ever since I played the mission mini-game in Assassin’s Creed II: Brotherhood, and now that the goddamn weather’s cooled off I’ve started doing daily meditation again. I always let go easier outside, but the heat man. Today I swear, I would’ve passed for manic easily but it was just the sheer thrill of standing outside and not spontaneously sweating. I even started shivering after awhile. It was better than sex.

I’ll see about actually doing some work on the site so there’s more here than a blog and glacially written works in the coming months. My daily routine is basically an even split of video games, professional work/job applications, and the occasional podcast or audiobook spree which is a sustainable trio while I’m trying to get out of here and on with my life. There’s a lot more I want to do though, it’s just a matter of finding the time then making sure I’ve got the right state of mind to do it. More importantly, to do it and not feel like it’s a chore. The lesson of letting go of the day’s attempt at writing because what I’d put out would be uninspired and forced is one I’ve never learned completely, but I’ve gotten better at it. Sometimes I actually let myself enjoy some goofing off guilt-free!

Lastly, just to wrap back to the personal site work: I got inspired to turn back to it by this delightful webpage. It’s so earnest and quite literally personal, filled with this person’s preferences like a digital corkboard. Even the parts I hate I love, since the sincerity is almost tangible. If you like poking around in someone’s public musings who puts more effort into their personal space, I can’t recommend it (and the sites she links to) enough.