The other day, I was looking at a frame my mother recently put up in her house. It was around two dozen images of relatives, but primarily her parents and aunts. The pictures were high quality, film-based; from when I was just a child, or even before I was born. There was a picture of my grandfather, likely several years younger than my parents are now. Another picture was of my grandmother and one of my aunts, and is in fact the first time in over a decade I’ve seen a picture of her that wasn’t the one we selected for her eulogy.

My grandmother passed over a decade ago, my grandfather several years before today. For my mother, it’s a frame holding more people who are no longer with us than those who are. It’s a connection she can be comforted by, because she no longer is able to be comforted by the people themselves.

I don’t expect I’ll find out what it’s like to lose my parents any time soon. My father is in great shape and my mother takes proactive care of herself. They both have excellent insurance, and even if they both will pass at the same age that my mother’s parents did, that’s quite some time off. It still doesn’t mean my mind won’t wander, and consider what life will be like when I can’t call one of them to catch up, share some good news or even just be comforted by the knowledge they’re still around.

I do take comfort in the knowledge that I have a good relationship with my sisters; that I have friends who try to understand me as I try to understand them. I hope, in the preferably-distant future I still feel that way when I have to face the same harsh truth of life that the both of my parents have.

One month since posting and it’s something excessively personal and melancholy. I swear, things are actually going pretty well for me! But, occasionally I’m drawn to at least briefly ponder the more somber parts of the road ahead. Next time it’ll be a post about how cool tarot cards are, or how to make the perfect couscous (pearled or bust).