I only took two classes in the spring. Since I was footing the bill for university, I figured I could approach it how I wanted—and I wanted an easy return. My old major, my old requirements, so I picked an elective. One of the classes was a Moving Image Arts course, one of the introductory ones. I learned a lot about cinematic lighting, which is a fascinating subject I’ll grant.

I also learned that being poor is badass if you’re a college student. Since I was 24 now, I could legally file as an independent for my taxes. I had the barest hint of employment, and it was far from official. With no parental source of income, I was as poor as poor got as far as the government was concerned. Boom, Pell Grants. Boom, subsidized student loans. I went from looking at thousands a semester out of pocket to getting a few grand a semester. Granted, I was going into debt a few grand each semester, but it was a very small burden to shoulder thanks to my university being a state school. When I had moved away, I never officially changed my residency, so coming back I still had all the in-state benefits.

Still, it felt strange. I was older now, and had a lot of life experiences that made me feel separate from my classmates. Still technically a sophomore, I felt like I didn’t belong. I didn’t go to any student organizations like I said I’d try to do, and I only socialized in stiff, polite ways when people spoke to me. At the time I think my logic was ‘I’ll focus on graduating. That’s why I’m here.’ Looking back, I was scared I’d fuck it all up again.

I almost did. I joined the university under my old major, psychologically prepared to face the classes I flunked numerous times before. Calculus was first up, so I went in with my overpriced calculator, ready for anything. Man, I was a fish out of water if there ever was one. I didn’t get overwhelmed emotionally this time, just intellectually. Calculus was beyond me—and if it was, then what about everything after it?

I stuck out the class session so I wouldn’t distract anyone, and so I’d have some time to get my bearings. Then I went across the quad to Student Services, dropped calculus and changed my major to English. Best choice I could’ve made. I needed a minor, so naturally I went for Informatics and got to have that minor half-complete. Because I had mostly taken gen-ed courses thus far, I didn’t lose more than three courses that either didn’t apply to my degree, or had the spots they would fit in filled. The next semester I took two philosophy courses, a US history course, and an English one. If I was going to be a liberal arts student in the 2020s, I was at least going to get the full monty.